Tag: prayer

Searching for His Kingdom: Approaching The Psalms

As a believer, it is strictly vital that I remain in God’s word by donating a fraction of my time reading (the Bible) everyday. With Community Bible Study out for the summer, I didn’t know where to start. I tried to adopt practices that seemed to work well for others. Yet, the game of comparison never ruled out in my favor to begin with. With the stresses of work, family, and other responsibilities stockpiling, it appeared as if I could not gather the time.  I woke up dreading the day, and went to sleep dreading the events within the day. It was an ongoing cycle leading me to spiritual death. I allowed the littlest to the biggest things, changes in events, and reactions/responses from others alter my mood. I had an idea of how spiritually sick I was, but it didn’t come full circle until I encountered a full day alone, a lazy day some would describe it. I can’t help but recall this single lyric from “Sober” by P!nk

I don’t want to be the girl who has to feel the silence. The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth.

In order the kill the truth of the silence I scrolled through my YouTube feed a clicked on one of the recommended videos, Overview: Psalms by The Bible Project

I picked up my bible and skimmed through the Psalms, which are pretty much prayers and songs petitioned to God. I was intrigued because despite affirmations I have received from others, I have always been insecure in my method of prayer. I never knew the right words to say or felt my petitions ineffective by using the same prayer everyday. These insecurities damped my prayer life.

Today, I still have my insecurities in the prayer approach but I have incorporated a practice that I’d like to share with you.

What You’ll Need: an empty jar, paper, scissors, pen, a small plastic bowl/jar (for discard), and a Bible (of course)

Instructions: Fold and cut the paper into proportionate pieces. Use as much paper it takes to make 150 pieces of paper. If you end up with more than 150 pieces, it is okay. I will tell you how you can utilize them. With your pen, number the pieces of paper 1 through 150 to represent each of the Psalms of the Old Testament and place them in the jar. If you have any extra pieces left over, write “free choice” and place the pieces in the jar.

The Procedure: Everyday you wake up in the morning shake up the jar and pull out a slip of paper. Read the Psalm that corresponds to the number that you pulled over a cup of your morning tea/breakfast. If you have awkward mornings/work schedules, designate a more convenient time in the day to do this. After you read the chosen Psalm for the day, place the numbered piece of paper in the discard bowl/jar.

I have been utilizing this method for a couple of days and it has served me well thus far. There have been times when I could feel the lines of scripture resonating with my spirit and call out to God using the same words of the author in relation to my issues. Danger averted…

 

Searching for His Kingdom: The Retreat

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About a month ago, I attended a retreat with forty sisters from church. Although I have been on several retreats before, I was completely unprepared for what the Lord had in store for me that weekend.

Within a week, the roster reached full capacity with several women on the waiting list. I knew God would be all over this weekend and gleamed with excitement. All of my friends confirmed they were going, which excited me even more. I immediately thought of inviting a co-worker of mine who I had been ministering to. I filled her up with how great and transparent my friends are and all the fun we were going to have spending the weekend together. As soon as she agreed, I immediately signed her up and paid her fare.

On the day of the retreat, I received a text from my co-worker saying she was going to be late coming to camp because she had to pick up her children after work. She vaguely mentioned that her son was sick, and apologized because of “all the trouble” I went through to reserve her spot. I assured her that everything was fine and convinced her to stay home with her children and nurse her son. As much as I wanted us to experience the joy of God openly and freely outside of work, I understood her situation and knew that God would decide a better time for her. His timing is perfect. Little did I know that He had something special in store… …for me.

Like I said previously, I had been on retreats before with no phone, internet, television, or radio for 72-hours. “This isn’t my first rodeo…” I thought. Little did I know that it was that frame of thinking that brought me to the biggest realization of my spiritual journey.

When my friend and I arrived, our church Pastor, his wife, and his mother-in-law were there setting up. They informed us that the weather forecast projected a drop in temperature all weekend. I went back to my bunk to unpack my extra blanket, but it wasn’t there. I had left it folded on my bed along with the extra pillow. After a short mini temper. I sucked in some air, fixed up my face, and helped with the set up.

As other women arrived, everything in me wanted to run around the cabins to search for my friends and trample them with hugs and warm greetings. However, I spent time serving the ladies dinner; plus it was crazy freezing outside. After everyone had been served, I avoided dinner and went over to my cabin where we kept the hot drinks. It would have been simple to grab a plate and try to engage in the conversations that were happening within the cabins, but a funky feeling came over me. I was unaware of where it came from, probably from not having my blanket, but I kept myself in check by keeping busy refilling the coffee and kettles of hot water.

After everyone filled up on dinner, we had our first session out on the patio between the two cabins. After tidying up the kitchen of the water and coffee, I grabbed my coat and went to the patio, in complete agony that I had left my blanket. My frustration built when I noticed that all the chairs next to the ones my friends took were occupied. I took a seat in the second to last row, hoping to be close to the space heater…but someone had taken a seat on the floor right in front of it. My thoughts of keeping warm and toasty without having my blanket were distorted. (All love to the person who sat in front of the heater. She so happens to be one of my good friends!)

Looking back, I truly believe that God had a hand in all this. Everything from my coworker having to cancel, to me neglecting to pack my blanket, the drop in temperature… …everything was according to God’s plan to put me in a space where I had his full attention. Had my co-worker been able to come, I would have been more concerned for her than the message God had intended for me.

Cold and bundled, (at least most of us were bundled), we sat on the patio and listened as Mrs. Ellen, (the pastor’s mother-in-law), conducted the lesson. I destracted myself with thoughts of how better off I would be with my blanket. As the cold wind blew I turned my face against it, towards Ms. Ellen. As she gave her testimony, I focused on the following words God spoke to me through her “You are worthy of God’s love.” My face fell in my lap and I broke in tears (it wasn’t the first time, but the most impactful). Upon seeing Ms. Ellen, the enemy had me thinking that there was no way we could relate to each other due to shallow differences. But as God spoke through her, I recognized the enemy’s words for what they were, a lie.

I have heard several talks and many have brought me down, but this was different. This time, my mind wasn’t divided and I could fully comprehend what God was trying to reveal to me. After the session we were given some quiet time to journal and meditate on the lesson. I went on a marathon writing down everything that came to mind, whether it was scripture, something I recalled from the session, whatever it was I was writing it down. As quiet time came to an end, the chatter and laughter of women filled the cabins for dessert and hot cocoa. My friends were free and space was available, but I couldn’t join in the festivities. I felt this emotional weight straining my spirit, and there was only one person to speak about it, Ms. Ellen. My friends advised me to go with speak with her privately. So I did. I became vulnerable and cried more than I ever had my whole entire life. It felt great opening up to someone without being judged or my feelings dismiseed. She was so considerate, and gave stern suggestions on what to do stepping forward.

The way God used the weekend to make me vulnerable to Him has revealed things that I forgot about. As I designed the weekend my to bring a co-worker to Christ, God’s designed the weekend to do maintenance on our relationship.

I value the time I spent on the retreat, although I am still in a battle. I encounter attacks everyday. This is when fasting and adequate time with God proves convenient. I credit Him for placing people and content in my life at the right time to be of help to aid me. There is still a long journey ahead as I work out the kinks, but this time I am taking my Father with me.

Searching for His Kingdom: Harboring Unforgiveness

The holiday season is established as a time for giving, showing thanks, and spending quality time with our loved ones and distant family. Social media news feeds are flooded with posts relaying these messages, and with Christmas around the corner, radio stations flood the airways with songs praising the birth of the Messiah. Although I am for giving to others, showing thanks for all that I have, and praising the Lord, I am a little misconstrued knowing that these things that which we are to do everyday is honored by society quarterly, as a marketing strategy through man-made tradition.

As pastors and priests prepare sermons on the birth of Christ to suit the holiday, two weeks prior to Thanksgiving I decided to revisit the four gospels in my daily reading of the bible. (As of now I am three chapters into Luke). Everytime I read God’s word, I ask him to send forth the power of the Holy Spirit to intercede in my thoughts and provide me with understanding. One night while reading gospel of Mark, the Spirit moved. God spoke to me through the story about the fig tree. To read that story in its entirety visit the gospel of Mark, chapter 11, verses 12-14 & 20-25

In the long-short of it (the curse of the fig tree), Jesus and his disciples had just left Bethany at the Mount of Olives. In the distance Jesus spots a fig tree. He was hungry and decided to see if the tree had any fruit so that he could eat from it. As Jesus approached the tree, he saw that there was no fruit and he cursed it saying “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” As Jesus and his disciples went on the next morning they saw that the tree had withered from the root.

Upon reading this story many years previous I thought, “why did Jesus curse the tree when it says that ‘it was not the season for figs?'” At this point of my faith, I thought of myself as that fig tree. Just as the tree was not producing fruit because it “wasn’t the right season” for figs, I was not producing spiritual fruit, or at least much as I should have, because of the unforgiveness I had been harboring. It’s like with shackles tied to your legs you adjust how you walk to accompany them instead of searching for the key to unhook them so you can get along better.

Just like trees were made to provide shade, oxygen, and food plentiful for the body, we have been made to be the fruit of support and light in eachother’s lives. Holding on to unforgiveness holds us back from being the strong, mighty fruitbearers we are called to be, although reaching the level of forgiveness of those who wronged us is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. It is a full blown praying and healing process I hope to get to later.

After reading this story, I thought of the “seasons” I have a credited for my stance in unforgiveness, unproduction of fruit, and those that walked away from me hungry because I couldn’t feed them. It was an eye opener to me that if the Lord sees that if I am not producing fruit for those who require it, there is no need for me in His kingdom, and His kingdom is where I want to be.

Searching for His Kingdom: Calling all Prodigal Children

During his ministry, Jesus spoke to people in parables. The book of Luke, chapter 15 includes three parables that illustrate the concept of lost & found. My personal favorite of these three is The Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-33). For the sake of time, I will be provide a quick synopsis, although I advise you to read this parable (along with the others) in its entirety on your own.

There was a man with two sons. The youngest of the two asked his father for his share of the family’s assets and departed from home, living recklessly. He eventually fell in complete destitute as a severe famine swept upon the land. After coming to his senses, he decided to return home to his father. When his father saw him approaching from afar, he (the father) ran to his son covering him in hugs and kisses. He called for his servents to adorn his son in the best linens and to slay the fatten calf and prepare it to celebrate his son’s homecoming.

The parable continues from there. However I conclude the summary here, to provide you with the following

The world has led us all astray. But despite the reckless things we have done or the scandalous life we have lived, there is celebration in our homecoming. Our heavenly Father is looking from afar anxiously waiting to cover us in hugs/kisses and throw a party in our honor. As it says in Luke 15:10

In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents

I know of this parable all too well, for I too am that young son who blindly stored his treasures on earth and is currently trying to find his way back home, from a lifestyle fueled by unrighteous anger, gluttony, and sloth. But more of that in the next entry where I will elaborate more on all that including what led to my time of absence

Be blessed

Searching for His Kingdom: Battle w/ Coveting and Comparison

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For the past couple of months, maybe for several weeks I have coordinated with a friend of mine to tag along with her to several festivals and events. She recently launched her own catering business and has been signing on as a food vendor. She invites me to tag along and collect videos/photos to help boost my business. Although I am always honored by her invitation, instead of rejoicing in spirit sometimes I am envious in the flesh.

Allow me to explain. My friend has a gift that is more marketable and in demand than mine, at least I believe, and that is food. Not only is food sustainable to life and easy to sale, she uses her gift to change lives and attitudes with her dishes.

My gift, on the other hand, is more difficult to market. I am very sentimental. So my business involves taking pictures and making them more relevant and accessible with the times by creating digital albums viewable by disk, phone, or email. I am no expert. I did not attend school or receive any special training for what I am doing. It is just a hobby of mine that I have shared among friends who have used my services. Plus, it is something that I love to do.

I get discouraged because I see my friend racking in all these opportunities with the, responses on her media page and vendor bookings. While on the flip side I am making conversation with those who are fascinated by what I am doing and declare that they need my business, but don’t reach out or answer when I call back. I try to remain faithful but cannot help to fall into that trap of comparison. That’s when envy rears its ugly head. I hate feeling that way, because she (my friend) has included me in all her successes as an opportunity to network. However, when it comes to follow-up, it appears as if those whom I have corresponded with are suddenly unreachable. I then start to doubt myself, lose interest in this venture, and distract myself with other things.

Since the beginning, my friend has always encouraged me to pray about everything, and I have, but my faith doesn’t level up. What makes things so supernatural is that every time I’d be in a study group, studying independently, or scrolling through the news feeds with my insecurities parading in the back, I would come across this verse:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all things will be added to you Matthew 6:33-

After coming across this verse consecutively, I had no choice but to approach God in prayer. I asked Him to help me and reveal to me the areas in where I am deficient. My faith in God was limited and I started to doubt Him, and everything about myself in the things I am going through. I was still playing the comparison game, and I was losing.

While in church a while back, the pastor was addressing self defiance and referenced the Apostle Paul to the Church of Corinth:

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. -1 Corinthians 12:14-20-

I knew this verse because I used it in a talk a couple of months prior. Yet, here I am, an ear comparing myself to the eye. My behavior started to drive a wedge within my relationships with others.

The Ten Commandments are a list of laws God gave to Moses for the Israelites who recently left oppression in Egypt. It is pretty evident that my ongoing struggle is with that tenth commandment:

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s. -Exodus 20:17-

My sin of coveting has blinded me faithfully. For a while I continued to feed more into sin by remaining stagnant, not taking time out with God and doing things according to my own will and conforming to the world instead of seeking God’s righteousness. I’ve lashed out and acted out of character because of it.

I make it a practice to talk pastor, ask for prayer from my accountability team, set time aside to read the word, and ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for me in everything. Although I have picked up these practices, there is still a long journey ahead.

<To be continued>