A couple of days ago, I logged into my Facebook account just to post some course information for my bible study page. I checked the news feed and there it was. One post after another indicating that my dear friend and classmate had passed away. I didn’t cry, but was clearly at a lost for words. I stood at the desk frozen, praying that everyone was mistaken or this was some sick April Fool’s joke long overdue. I took a few more minutes to read the comments under the posts he was tagged in. Knowing that he wasn’t one to frequent social media, anxiety built up in me. I couldn’t fathom the idea that he was gone. I just saw him less than two weeks prior. He was in my department setting up the newly installed computer to the printer. I was so overjoyed upon seeing him. We hugged and he spoke of all that he was doing and his future plans. I saw him a couple of days later posted as monitor during the lunch hour. Knowing that he is gone, I just replay those last moments in my head thinking, “was there something I missed? Was it in his voice? He didn’t look sick but, I don’t know…was he?”

I called a mutual friend with the news. She, along with I, was at a loss for words. We juggled with the “whats,” “whys,” and “hows” over the phone until her break ended, promising to meet up later on in the week. Since then, I gradually go on about the affairs of the day, minute by minute trying to fathom the idea that he is no longer here. I try to work on projects, but can’t pick up the pen to start. I made plans but can’t develop the energy to get up and start for the car. As I type this I am still unable to cry, or have sought closure in knowing how he passed. However, I have gnawed a stick of gum out of its flavor and shape in the process.

My dear friend Paul, as I quietly mourn your passing, I celebrate knowing that I got to see you one last time as I remember you to be; loving, smiling, and full of life. I miss you deeply!